1. I'm addicted to pain.
2. What happens when you want nothing more than to chase storms, while also yearning for a cozy corner of a home, dressed with houseplants and a soft, warm companion - neither of which feel currently attainable or settling?
3. I believe I can contribute to change in the world.
4. I have closed my heart off to feeling love for my parents, and I don't want to open it back up, even though I know I will need to at some point in order to process and heal certain parts of myself.
5. I have recurring bad dreams about my parents living with me. Living with them is one of my biggest fears.
6. I easily fall for Sad Boys who are emotionally inconsistent (like me). I try not to (because I know it's unsustainable), but it seems like our energy becomes entwined, and I love indulging in the feelings. The consistent inconsistency reminds me of my parents not being there for me in my childhood (or adulthood), and I have a compulsive Need for them to see me as someone to look up to. Part of me wishes they would change their entire life to be with me, seeing me as worthy of this dedication/devotion, because my parents never changed their harmful behaviour. I don't often purposely act in a way to get this kind of attention, but I know there is a lot operating in the background subconsciously. If I can tell that a Sad Boy has some kind of feelings for me, I get Hooked, regardless of not acting on it. I get pulled into thinking and feeling about them, wanting to know more about them, and projecting my fantasies onto them. Truly wanting and being ready for someone I don't have to beg for love and stability from (and who doesn't have to beg for this from me back) is a work in progress. :)
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